Changing My Life | Part One

For a while I’ve had some reservations about posting particularly personal posts on this blog. Though Bhleum was set up as a platform to promote growth, there a voice niggling at the back of my head saying this isn’t the place for my growth. Then I see these amazing and inspiring people blogging about their journeys to become the people they want to be, and I think “Fuck it. Why can’t I?” Sorry about the language, Mum.

A couple weeks ago I came across Dottie James’ video on changing her life in a year, and it spoke to me on some strange level. For some reason the last few months have been lackluster and uninspiring to say the least; hearing her say “I’m changing my life, and you’re coming with me.” made me get up without question and agree to join her. So, I’m changing my life too, and you’re also coming with me. If you want. If not - that’s totally cool. No pressure.

This is my plan;
I’m going to document this journey through vlogging and journalling my experiences. Both to keep me motivated and to keep it real. I think it’s just as equally important to talk about the bad times as well as the good. It’s helpful to know that “failure” isn’t always negative.

Next, I want to visualise who I want to be. No holding back, no boundaries, no nuthin’. I know there’s a whole thing about making realistic goals for yourself so you actually achieve them - but we’ll get to that later. For now, I’m going to let myself imagine all the possibilities.

I want to;

  • Live a zero-waste lifestyle, or as close to one as possible whilst being part of society.
  • Have tonnes of nutrients in the meals I make myself, including the ones I make and take to work because future me is an organised babe.
  • Be fit. I want to be able to run 5k, 10k, with ease. I want to be able to take my future dog(s(x10)) on long runs without struggling or feeling like it’s a huge pain in the butt.
  • Have had all 3 stages of metoidioplasty. This links back to being fit and reaching the weight/ body type my surgeon has asked me to be.
  • Be a yoga babe.
  • Feel confident af. I want to wear the clothes I want to wear - that includes crop tops (if they’re still cute then) and dungarees (same applies) and high-heels (they’ll always be cute). I see all these gay men looking so fabulous, strutting their stuff down the street and I’m just like, damn. I want that.
  • Have my mental health under control i.e. getting therapy for that trauma, and the others, and just getting on top of my self-care game.
  • Have savings. I don’t know how much I’ll care about this in the future, but from experiencing having no money in the bank, it would be nice to have some backup that I don’t spend on bubble bars I already have at home.
  • Have a job I love. It would be great to wake up and feel excited to be at work and be good at what I do. Something along the lines of a youth worker/ counsellor. On top of that, I’d love to go into schools and workplaces to talk about LGBTQ+ issues/ support.
  • Continue doing Youtube. Turning up the quality would be nice but my main goal is to have a channel that reaches those who need it. It would also be great to be able to appreciate my creativity rather than continuously critique it.
  • Have memorable experiences. It’s so easy to say no to opportunities out of fear or laziness, I wanna say yes to more and look back on a good life.
  • Be a functioning minimalist, but also have loads of thriving plants.
  • Be as eco-friendly as possible. That’s self-explanatory.

Each week I’ll be coming up with goals to get myself further to who I want to be and work on something every day. I may not become a professional yogi overnight but I can start with weekly sessions and build it up to a daily habit. You get the jist.

I’m looking forward to this new chapter in my life.


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